you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
