I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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