You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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