I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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