Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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