I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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