why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
