A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
