i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
