You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
