Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
