I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
