Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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