I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Holy shit dude........stairs
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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