Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My breasts were aching with rage.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Randomize
