he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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