He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
