you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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