i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
