I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
