I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
