He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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