my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
