I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
