I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
