he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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