I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
