where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
