Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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