Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
