I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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