You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
