He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
