508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
now i know why i became what i already was.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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