It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
