Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
