i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
