Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
