I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
