Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Come see our sink grown plant.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
