We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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