i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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