we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
