dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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