dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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