I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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