haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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