He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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