i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
