I wanna bring you to show and tell
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
